| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2005|08:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the used - hard to say | ] |
I said "Time heals the broken heart" to my friend who broke up few months ago, and then she answerd "Time heals the broken heart, but hearts will never be the same"
I used to think that she was stupid, but now I think that her words are kinda right.
Hiks.. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2005|07:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | matchbook romance - promise | ] |
Why do I hope for someone who likes to keep me waiting for him while he doesn't even give me a certainty?! Thinking about someone who maybe doesn't even think about me is just wasting my time. I'd rather think about my future that decides who am I will be when I grow up than think about someone who is uncertain to be my future husband! If we are meant to be, God will unite us again. If we're not meant to be, God will give me someone better than him.
But....
that is just my theory..
I CANNOT PRACTICE WHAT I'VE JUST SAID!
I still love and miss him so much..
Hiks.. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|10:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | yellowcard - only one(acoustic) | ] |
We broke up yesterday. I'm so freakin sad but I'm still grateful that we end up our relationship in a good way.. But I still can't get over it. I love him so damn much..
All I wanna do now is just lock myself in my room, don't wanna go outside my room, don't wanna meet people, don't wanna go outside my house cause every place i'll go will remind me of him.. so sad.. and I can't eat since we broke up, I want to but I can't, I feel like I wanna throw up if I see some food, even the delicious one!(maybe it's the only good thing coz I can lose some weight)
God, please make me strong and help me to be a better person and mature so I can be a good-enough person among my family, friends and someone I love(I can't say him as my ex, too sad) so when I'm already mature enough, we can start from the beginning again. I believe I can do it. And I believe he still loves me when I'm already mature. In the name of Jesus I've prayed. Amen.
HIKS!!! HIKS!!!! Anyone can make me stop crying? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2005|07:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | my ruin - made to measure | ] |
A - Age: 18.. dammit!
B - Band listening to right now: hmm.. yesterdays rising
C - Crush: Rio (help me, please)
D- Dog's name: don't have one
E - Easiest person to talk to: my best girl Ria, she always there for me, listens to me, cheers me up when i'm sad, helps me, and what i like most about her is she often can complete the sentence i want to say while i'm trying so hard to find the right word! She's the only good person while the world is full of jerks!! She's my shoulder to cry on and no one will never take her place!! oh i wish she's a guy.. i'll marry her! (do i sound like a lesbian?)
F - Favorite bands at the moment: Coheed and Cambria, Yesterdays Rising.
G - gummy worms or gummy bears? never eat gummy worms.. so gummy bears.
H - Hometown: jakarta
I - Instruments: piano and guitar but i quit playing guitar and i'll never touch that fuckin instrument anymore!
J- Job Occupation: mommy's overprotected gal
k- kids : someday
L - Longest car ride ever: forgot
M - Most overused phrase: fuck
N - Nicknames: Stella or Tetel
O - One wish: disappear from this freakin world
P - Phobia[s]: dust! they make me pilek al the time!!
Q - Quote: you never know what you've got til it's gone.
R - Religious Affiliation: none
S - Song you downloaded last: my ruin - made to measure
T - Time you woke up [today]: 7.30 am, i'm a good gal.
U - Unknown fact about me: it says "unknown" which means i dont know either!
V - Vegetable you hate: pare!
W - Worst habit(s): bad tempered, eating too much(hehe)
X - X-rays you've had: dont count
Y - Yummy food: Babi guling in Ubud Bali... dammiiiiiit.... i miss it so much!!
Z - Zodiac sign: Aquarius. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|08:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
Everybody push me hard to change. But they NEVER EVER encourage me. What I need is NOT a FUCKIN THERAPY!! What I need is SOMEONE WHOM I CAN TALK TO!!! SOMEONE I TRUST THE MOST!!! NOT A FUCKIN STRANGER I DON'T FUCKIN KNOW CALLED THERAPIST!!!!! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|03:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | suicidal | ] |
WHERE IS GOD WHEN IT HURTS?????? |
|
|
| i'm so alone |
[Jul. 12th, 2005|07:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
Pergumulan gw kali ini bener2 berat, gw gak kuat. Kayaknya untuk orang2 yang gw sayang, gw harus jadi sempurna di mata mereka.
Bagi Rio, gw bukan cewe yang bisa bikin dia bahagia, gw tukang marah2, gw gak tau sikon, gw emank salah, gw sendiri gak tau gimana ngatasin masalah gw sendiri, gw bergumul terus abis2an dan gw gak bisa nemu jalan keluar, dan gw dituntut harus bisa ngatasin penyakit gw sendiri, ga ada satupun kata2 kasar ke ke dia itu bener2 berasal dari hati gw, gw emank bener2 dikuasain emosi sesaat gw, KNAPA GW GAK BISA KAYAK DULU LAGI JADI ANAK BIASA2 AJA YG GA CEPET MARAH, ADA YANG BIKIN GW KESEL PUN GW BIASA AJA!!!!!!!!!! KENAPA GW GAK BISA KYK GTU!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!! KENAPA GW GA BISA JADI CEWE LEMBUT, SABAR, BAEK MA SMUA ORANG, DIBIKIN MARAH PUN GW GA USAH MARAH?!?!!!! KNAPA GW GAK BISA?!!!! KNAPA!!!!! Gw pengen bisa bahagiain co gw, jadi cewe yang lembut, sabar, ga suka marah, gw pengen bgt, tp gw ga bisa ngatasin ini sendiri, gw pengen ada yang bantuin gw. Gw pengen cari therapist buat bantu nyembuhin gw, some kind like anger management therapist.
Nyokap gw sendiri bilang gw harus ubah sikap gw tapi dia juga gak ngebantu gw!! Dia malah sering banget malu2in gw depan orang2, tiap hari gw di teror terus ama kata2 dia, dia bilang gw gendut lah makan mulu lah, ok lah menurut gw, gw juga ga langsing2 amat, gw gak singset tapi yang jelas gw gak ampe obesitas!!!! Trus penting apa dia ngata2in gw gendut depan orang2 baik yg dikenal ato gak dikenal?!????? Kalo gw marah, dia ikutan marah!! Dia bilang ngapain juga malu orang ga kenal ini, yg kenal juga ngapain malu?!! TAIIIIIKKK!!!!!!!!!!! DIA KIRA GW ANJING GAK PERLU MALU DIMALU2IN DI DEPAN ORANG BANYAK?!!!! Trus gw salah dikit, jalan nyenggol dia, dia uda sewot!! KNAPA SE SMUA ORANG MESTI MARAH AMA GW?!????? Kalo nyokap gw nyuruh gw juga untuk brubah, knapa dia sebagai nyokap gw, orang yang paling gw percaya, dia gak bantu gw? Dia gak ajakin gw ngomong tentang masalah gw!! Dia lebih milih ngata2in gw gendut!!! Dia lebih milih malu2in gw depan orang banyak!!!!!!!!!
Sekarang bokap.. Sejak dia kepilih jadi majelis, dia jadi super kepo, seminggu rapat bisa 3x dan pulang larut male(KEPO!!!!!!!!!!), hari minggu, ok lah emank harus beribadah, dia mesti tugas playanan, ok deh udah rapat sminggu 3x di gereja, hari minggu ada rapat lagi bisa ampe siang ato sore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jadi gitu?? Sibuk pelayanan dan keluarga diacuhkan?! dan yg paling bikin gw super gendek adalah, the way he act klo di gereja tu ehmm... munafik, klo di gereja aja.. ramah ama smua orang, senyum manis diumbar!!!!! klo di rumah??? taik kucing, buka pintu kamar gw keras2 sengaja ngagetin gw seakan2 kyk gw ga punya privacy!!!! trus di rumah juga sikap dia ga semanis klo di gereja!!!!!!!!! Gw ngeliat pemandangan kyk gtu ga tertekan apa?!! Kenapa pelayanan yg ngebuat bokap gw brubah jadi kyk orang laen?! dia ga bisa manis2 ma gw kyk dia manis2 ma orang2 di gereja!!!!!!!!
Gw ngerasa gw ga bisa ngmg ma koko gw, gw ga pernah nyambung ngomong ma dia.
Pergumulan gw terlalu berat and I feel like I've been neglected by God coz I cant find HIM.
Kerjaan gw daritadi cuman nangis,marah dalam hati.. why can't someone help me?? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 |
|
|
| happy fuckin nu year! |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|03:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  moody | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a static lullaby - lipgloss and letdown | ] |
Stella the devil says: Yep.. this nu year is so fucked up!!! Dis is juz the most spectacular holiday, i cancelled my friendster account and then I regret, few days later i left my mobile phone in the taxi and now my hp's gone... FUCK!!!!!!!!
Stella the angel says: Geez.. whadda heck am i doin' here? C'mon bitch.. you only lost your mobile phone!! u can get one another next time, just pray that ur parents will give u a new mobile phone on ur bday soon.. and now imagine the innocent people in aceh dead bcoz of that damned fuckin' tsunami!! you juz lost ur mobile phone, they lost their homes, father,mother,sisters,brothers... and most of them are dead!!! see?! so stop cursing everything! you'll get that shit soon!!
While I'm missing my friendster... I wonder.. Banyak bgt ya orang2 ngadu banyak2an account, malahan gw liat ada ampe account ke 15.. Whadda fuck?! Apa seh maxudnya.. trus gw liat friend nya kebanyakan ya itu2 lagi, di account ke 8 ada tu orang, di acc ke 9 ada lagi tu orang, dst.. dst.. Emank kita musti punya sekian belas ato sekian puluh account friendster untuk jadi anak gaul?!! belajar gaul gitu yah caranya.. adu banyak2an account. Dohh,, ntar gw dibilangnya sirik lah karna gw ga punya friendster lagih.. iya gw sirik ama org2 yg PUNYA friendster bukan org2 yg PUNYA SEKIAN BELAS ACCOUNT.. DOHHH!!!!!! |
|
|
| goodbye friendster... |
[Dec. 27th, 2004|07:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
I just cancelled my friendster account, alesannya.. gak perlu diceritain disini, ntar ribut lagi dah..
Nyesek ya nyesek.. friend gw udah 300 an trus testi udah 100 brapa gtu, cuman gtu de.. cuman itu lah satu2 nya hara yg harus gw bayar DEMI kebaikan gw dan... tw ah!
Ok.. liat bright side nya, dulu musim mIRC.. sekarang udah kagak, sekarang musim friendster, someday pasti frienster gak musim lagi jadi ga ada ruginya juga gw ga maen friendster lagi dr sekarang..
Tapi..... gimana cara gw kontek2 temen2 lama gw? Lose contact lg deh.. trus gw ga bisa isi2an testi ma cowo gw lg deh.. daaan lain2.. hiks...
Udah ah.. gw kyk gini nyiksa diri ndiri aja..
Hiks.. hiks..
Everybody.. please cheer me up! I'm soooo down rite now.. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2004|04:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  flirty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | saosin - mookies last christmas | ] |
got a nu hairdo tadi siang, rambut gw di layer abis2an, abis gw udah gak tahan ama rambut gw yg tebeeeeel nya mateee itu. Sebelom dipotong aja klo abis keramas tuh gw nyisir rambut ame ngos2an saking tebelnya ni rambut dulu, dasar sapu ijuk!! sekarang enteeeeeeng banget, cepet kering pula.. liat aja nih gak lama juga rambut gw balik ke asal jadi tebel lagi.. fuck!! Bodo ah yg penting sekarang rambut gw lg keren *narsis*. Biarin kek mo narsis pa kagak yg jelas gw tau diri klo gw tuh 'worth to be narcis'... I mean,, kan ada tuh orang2 yg narsis, sibuk membangga2kan dirinya padahal dirinya tuh gak layak untuk dinarsiskan, klo gw? Kan layaaak bgt!! Huahahah... gila yah udah narsis, ditambah pula worth to be narcis. Kagak lagi... becandeeee...
sabtu ambil rapot ne.... cuek ah! garingnya natal taon ini ga kmana2 *lagi!!*, bikin gendut badan aja, hr selasa gw uda libur aja kerjaan gw di rumah cuman nonton tv, nonton dvd, online, makan, nyemil, ama bobo... sehat ya?!
yaudz de.. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2004|02:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | irritated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | from autumn to ashes - the after dinner payback | ] |
Take the Spirit Quiz and visit Castle Diqueria.
mirip gak cewe diatas ama gw?? ehehe... lalala... emank resultnya cocok bgt yah ama gw, gw juga udah gak kaget koq liatnya, uda ketebak.. Liat donk The Bad nya.. udah banyak kyknya yg ngomongin itu ke gw, terutama Rio(pacarku..zhieee)
Hari ini gw 8 bulanan loch ma dia.. Emank ada yg nanya ya? Uhm.. nevermind. Deg2an deh, takut macet di tengah jalan trus...... Ude ah!! Malah jadi parno bgini, just pray for us ya siapapun yg baca!!!!
Sedihnya liburan udah berakhir, besok masuk, ulangan 2 biji pula. Hiks..but gapapa,klo kelamaan liburan gak baik bwat kesehatan, bisa2 gw naek 5 kilo lagi. Hari ini hp gw rusak lagi dan tadi di servis, entah deh ni keberapa kalinya hp gw di servis, klo gak salah ke 4x ato ke 5x ya? Yah selama gw memiliki ni hp baru 3 bulan, udah di servis sgitu seringnya! Apa gak minta dibanting tuh hp, trus gw injek2, gw ludahin, gw maki2, gw hina dina serta dinista?!! Napa juga bokap gw gak mo beliin hp baru, ni hp gw(N-gage QD) kan gw bli pake duit ndiri, sepelit itukah bokap gw? DOOOOOOhhhhh!!!! Sebeeel...
Ya uda ah, kudu blajar, masa mo gak naek kls lagi.. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2004|05:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | shooter - life's a bitch | ] |
i'm such a loser!
life's a bitch! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 26th, 2004|10:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
-9874c u1zm92`1547!@#$%^&*()MH*&Wnyx87n4y88vu89qurko498@#$%^&NMYUSGAYTS$%^&*()*J^%Q%!Y@&YE&*Y&@)_)((*@#$%^&*()MMNSHHGgehjwilafrghuirrjgndmkqfg
yg diatas tuh pelampiasan kekeselan gw!!!!!!!!!! maaf ya tolong ditolerir!! kalo gw dapet berkah gtu bisa ngilangin 1 hal di bumi ini,,,, tau gak apa? gw mau ngilangin yg namanya JEALOUSY alias RASA CEMBURU!!!!!!!!!!!! cemburu tuh gak enak, rasanya kyk tai!!!!!!!!!!!! sh*t motherf*cker!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2004|07:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  listless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | new found glory - ending in tragedy | ] |
Do you guys often feel suicidal? like suicidal tendency?(bukan band punk ye!) I mean,, for the example: you made some mistakes that make you regret, depressed, screw your mind and whatsoever,, and then you have a will to kill yourself.......... uhm... no.. not that extreme i think, i mean to hurt yourself becoz of that guilty feeling, example: you hit ur head into the wall, or slap ur own face, bla bla bla something like that,,, pernah ga??!
Ok pernah ato gak pernah gw tuh cuman pengen nanya, is that normal? Becoz i often feel suicidal and all i want to do is punish myself!!!! Please give me suggestion, is that normal and do i need to see the psychologist or psychiatrist? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2004|09:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pessimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the living end - who's gonna save us | ] |
final exam's over!!! Good bye my fuckin school!! c u later next month! Tinggal nunggu rapot nih yg menyebalkan! Skul itu membosankan ya?! Apalagi skul gw,, cowo nya jelek" n sipit" rambut spike smua yg norak gtuw,, cewenya juga yg model" cewe" yg berkeliaran di TA.. males kan?! Mana kantin nya juga makanan nya gtu" doank bosen bgtt,, mulai ngelantur kan gw?!
Oh iya, kemaren tuh hari yg bner" melelahkan bgt bagi gw! Melelahkan, bikin nervous n stress!! Dan gw males nyeritain disini, bisa" gw makin nervous n ngetiknya ngaco,, gak tau nih sejak kapan gtuw kreatifitas gw bwat ngisi LJ berkurang,, knapa ya?!
Gw gak ada kerjaan nih hari ini,, palingan ntar malem ke party cuit cepentin tmen gw bareng my chulo! Tapi males juga sih ke party" gtu,, can't stand the music! Taroan d ama gw, musiknya ntar malem pasti yg house music dan sebangsanya, males bgt kan?! Sayang gw gak bikin party,, klo gw bikin sih,, dan klo gw banyak duit, gw panggil smua band melodic punk indo n band" indie lainnya,, asik kan?!
Udah ah,, basi banget deh omongan gw,, |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2004|06:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | william hung - she bangs(remix) | ] |
Uwaaahhh,, akhirnya ngetik entry lagi di LJ!! Duh,, gw baru bangun neghh,,, bener" gak enak, baru bangun aje pala gw dah pusingnya mati, trus idung gw beler,,, mo mati deh!
Ntar siang aye mau ke bandung,,, tolong doain gw yah supaya gw gak gendut ntar disana takutnya lupa diri n gak bisa kontrol nafsu,,,
Oh iya waktu hari selasa gw nonton Maksim w/ my bf di Tennis Indoor, maen pianonya sih emank uda harga mutlak keren n jago yah,,, tapi namanya juga recital piano, sedikit boring juga lachh yauu,,, tapi berhubung Maksim ganteng(walopun tampangnya agak" gay) n maen pianonya dahsyat ya gw tetep bangun, soalnya klo gw nonton recital piano classic yg biasa" aja itu udah wajib hukumnya gw ketiduran ampe ngeces!!!
Aduhhh,,,,, pussssiiiiiinggg,,,,, pengen deh dipijitin kepala gw,,, hikz,,, |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2004|06:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Story of The Year - Until The Day I Die | ] |
koq gw lagi bosen bgt yah ngisi LJ?? Napa ya?? Gak ngerti neh mau nulis entry apaan,, ini aja deh,,
in my playlist:
1. Story of the year - until the day i die
2. the rasmus - in the shadows
3. simple plan - dun wanna think about you
4. the used - the taste of ink
5. Maksim - Hana's Eyes
6. Maksim - Dance of the Baroness
7. The Darkness - Love is only a feeling |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2004|02:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
tebak gw lagi ngapain?
sprei nya gak bgt ya?! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2004|08:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | jealous | ] |
i hate and love you at the moment.. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
psychobride's journal